One of my big discoveries during the year just gone was that there is no ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
What I mean is when we argue with ourselves or another, the underlying belief is often for the need to convince that one is right and the other is not.
In all my relationships with family and friends, this can lead to an imbalance of power.
While this Adlerian parenting approach has been my North Start for 14 years, I remind myself to still keep questioning everything.
While meeting up with dear friends in recent weeks, we pondered over the question:
How do you prepare a child, should they ever encounter someone who is mean to him or her?
During the conversation, I found out that the answer may depend on every individual’s definition of “mean”.
Is there a scale for this label?
My own child has referred to me as mean on occasion.
I am worried that my child inherits my negative traits: is what a client often says during a meet-up with me.
Have you ever had this concern?
When we become a parent and notice a very young child imitating what we do, we often feel proud.
‘Monkey see, monkey do’ is an under-valued parenting tool with unimaginable force.
When another friend gifted me this card, I used it as a metaphor for what it feels like to become a parent.
If a care-giver was the seed of this tree and was told at conception that the journey would require to break through stone, would many volunteer?
There may be moments while growing in your ability as a mother or father where you are chipping away and you don’t see any progress.
Yet with every moment that passes, the breakthrough to seeing the light, is coming closer.
Being sometimes stuck in the dark, takes some time to befriend yourself with when confronted with a new obstacle when guiding our young.
To keep moving has become my latest secret sauce.
How does any of this relate to a couple whether together or co-parenting after separation?
When anyone tries to control another’s actions, it comes from an insecure belief about his or her ability to influence their own child in a positive way.
Freeing oneself of judgement, knowing why a child wants and tests limits: equips you with the capability to follow through with love.
When skills are learned and effectively practised, the need for:
🟠 fighting
🟠 defending
🟠 explaining &
🟠 justifying
simply falls away.
What I am loving so much about this ‘kind and firm’ parenting style is when couples share with me:
We no longer blame each other for being too soft or too strict when it comes to parenting our children.
We now get each other’s intentions and support and help one another.
While our relationship has become more respectful and loving, ultimately our children feel the benefit from this change.
Click here for my “Very Interested Parents (V.I.P.) Offer” for couples:
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