Did you know that the vast majority of their feuding is to get the parent’s attention?
You will not be told to abandon or ignore your children, instead you will hear about effective interventions that support your children.
As a new mother I was all ears when I heard that I had “no power to arrange the relationship between my son and daughter, but I could influence their actions by how I respond.”
Guiding the dynamic between siblings during childhood, is worth building a respectful foundation for.
After all it lasts a lifetime.
This week, it was time for parent-teacher meetings.
It is not an easy day for either side.
Stepping back into a school building, can come with mixed emotions.
You may have enjoyed school, had lots of fun with your friends and share great memories.
For others it was a more tumultuous time.
Have you ever wondered why it is no bother to some, yet others downright refuse to go?
Of course, there can be many explanations.
Let’s look at it through the lens of birth order:
Over the years, the feedback for my first born has had me wondering if a parent can take some of the credit or is a child just born this way?
Often, I detach from the compliments and appreciations that are HER’s.
My dream is of course to include students during their evaluations so the boundary would be visible and clear.
Teachers say that she is:
🌱 incredible
🌱 amazing
🌱 beyond her years
🌱 modest despite excellent grades and
🌱 is using her intelligence to come up with new ideas and asks questions.
One educator believes that if she could “bottle her and give some to everyone in her year, there would be no problems in school”.
This last sentence nearly got deleted again as I feel very uncomfortable bragging about my children.
If you have known me for a while, you may have noticed that I keep pictures of both private while they are underage.
When I tell my daughter how much I love her and share how her emotional and social skills are perceived by others, she responds that it is thanks to this parenting approach.
So, there it is the applause goes to the courage and patience that this ‘kind and firm’ parenting style has brought to our family unit.
In particular its resetting how birth order and the relationship between parent, child and his/her sibling(s) is interpreted completely new.
Less academic younger siblings shared they heard parents say this:
“You have big boots to fill following your sister into secondary school.”
“If you want to make me happy, be as good as he is.”
“Make more of an effort with your school work so you can become as successful …”
Speaking with a child from a place of fear rather than love is like wanting to lose weight and it resulting in gaining more.
This completes this month’s spotlight on sibling dynamics.
To receive the entire collection for free, send me a chat message saying: “Sibling Library” or an informal email to effortlessparenting@gmail.com with same subject line.
(Confirming humanity: written by annett)
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